Struggling from a very young age with being ‘different” due to having CMT, Charcot Marie Tooth disease. Many of us also struggle with anxiety and depression. I’m writing to say how I feel today.
My anxiety and depression can make me a shitty friend, but I’m not sorry.
For as long as I can remember, I have always felt the need to apologize for my mental health struggles. I felt the need to over explain everything. I always felt the need to apologize for canceling plans.
My mental health struggles come and go. I have good days, and bad days. When I have bad days, or weeks even, I disappear.
I don’t answer many texts, I don’t make plans, and if I do, I cancel them. It makes me not a very dependable friend, sometimes. But I’m not sorry, anymore.
Sometimes I need to take a break from everyone.
Sometimes I need to take a step back and be alone, while I figure out what’s going on in my head.
Sometimes I feel ready to see you again, but I’m really not. I’m not ready to talk about the struggles I’m facing yet.
I have always felt the need to apologize, and I’m done.
Anxiety And Depression
I don’t choose to struggle with this.
I don’t choose to have my thoughts racing all day.
I don’t choose to have a war with my mind everyday.
I don’t choose any of this.
I’m done apologizing for something I don’t have control over.
So, yes, sometimes, my mental health will make me a shitty friend. But that’s only because it is needed for my own sake.
So I won’t apologize for that anymore.
I won’t apologize for doing what is best for me.
And for the friends who have stuck around while I cancel plans, go radio silent, and patiently wait until I’m ready to talk, you’re the real ones. And I’m lucky to have you.
But, I’m not sorry for doing what I need to do to make my mental health a little bit better.
I’m not apologizing anymore.